Reconciliation

Determining the paternity of your child is a complicated mix of emotions as well as decisions. There may be hostility present between you and the possible fathers or a new relationship that doesn’t involve the probable father. In the case of a father that is no longer present, is reconciliation a good idea?

What’s best for the child

The main consideration that every mother should have is for the welfare of her child. If the father is not in a position to be a good example for the child, you should seriously consider the presence of the father in your child’s life. Any issues with drugs, alcohol, or abuse need to be weighed and reported to the legal system when you are starting down the road to determining paternity.

When you want to reconcile

When you’re pregnant and alone, it may seem to make sense to partner with the biological father of your child and create a family unit, thinking somehow now everything will work out. This is not always the case.

This also does not necessarily work when the child is older and you want to reconcile after a paternity test confirms the status of the father. The father may not be in a place in their life to become a father and may become resentful to the child for being made to be in that position.

The act of parenting can be proven by DNA, but it can not be forced upon anyone. Being responsible financially may be all that the father is willing to do, and if that is the healthiest arrangement for the child and for yourself, then in time, you must come to peace with that. Perhaps you will find a man that will be the father that your child deserves.

Taking it slowly

It can be very easy to rationalize a relationship for the child’s sake, but this doesn’t always work out as well as one might hope. The reality of bringing a new life into the world can be strenuous and difficult to manage and so the natural reaction is often to grasp on to anything nearby such as the father to try and cope. However, take your time to reevaluate the relationship and the reasons you want this man in your life. This time is about you and your happiness. If you aren’t happy, then your child will not be happy. This is the time to be selfish about your needs and see if this is the person that you want to be a partner with. If you feel that if you are interested in being with the biological father for the right reasons, test the waters slowly. Also including professional couples counseling as your relationship ramps back up to speed would likely be a worthwhile addition to your lives.

What if the father wants to reconcile?

The announcement of a possible child can lead to feelings of family and a willingness to try and work harder on the relationship. It’s the start of a new life in which everything seems to be perfect and possible. However, this newness and joy may wear off and the reality of the same old problems can settle back in.

If the father wants to start a new relationship after discovering the paternity of the child, you need to consider the possibility of a stable and nurturing home life. There was a reason that your were with this man in the first place, so perhaps there will be the potential for a happy home life. This is the time to sit down together and talk about the possibility of such a new life.

Talk about what you want for your child and what you want from your relationship. If there seems to be an inability to compromise with each other, you may want to consider living separate lives and seeing each other for your child’s sake. If this new form of relationship seems to work, you might want to move to the new level of a romantic relationship and then progress further into a bigger commitment.